this morning, for some unknown reason, i thought it would be a good idea to drive downtown and then take the bus to work. in my defense, i didn’t want to pay for parking, but i could have parked at a park-n-ride and taken the lightrail. i guess the real problem is i parked in a specific location so i could take the 15 (colfax bus).
after taking the lightrail for so long i almost forgot what it was like to take the crazy bus. today there were a couple of guys that got on the bus and one sat next to me and one sat across from me. the one that sat next to me was a charismatic young black man, who apparently had his wallet stolen last night and his momma was nice enough to buy him a new bus pass. he also bought a bike last night. the other guy looked like a mexican version of dick van dyke and looked and acted like he had done just a shit ton of meth. he also managed to get grease and grass stains all over his khaki pants.
anyway, the two gentleman spent the entire bus ride talking about the different pharmacies they could scam into selling them prescription drugs so they could turn around and sell it on the street. i should also note that the charismatic young black man talked about not going to work for someone cause he would make such little money and it was so much easier to keep ‘ballin’. they went through all the different pharmacies and which ones would give you which drugs with the least hassle. and so on.
i should have put my headphones on…
so i’m on the bus this morning minding my own business listening to my harry potter audio book when i hear some guy talking loudly. i look over and this guy in sweats looks back while repeating some phrase in a foreign language.
he was holding on to some mp3 player so i imagine he was trying to learn a foreign language through audio lessons.
i imagine this would normally not make a blog posting but he was repeating the phrases so loudly and looking around at everyone with a scowl. people are so bizarre.
i don’t have a crazy story for today. nothing adverse really happened…minus the first bus driver who wouldn’t open the door and drove off…fucking bastard. but because he did…
the next bus had the pleasure of picking up like 20 kids. well, i guess i would put them in their teens. when the bus arrived at the stop where all these kids had congregated, i first thought, ‘wtf? east is a block behind us? are they all ditching school?’
and then i noticed they were having issues figuring out the whole bus thing. i imagine had i not cranked up sleater-kinney to max volume i would have heard them speaking in a language that is definitely not english.
anyway, they all made it onto the bus safe and sound and i had a short conversation about denver and downtown with an adorable guy that sat down next to me. unfortunately, i couldn’t place the accent…or recognize any of the words…so i still have no idea where they were from. oh well.
i have stories from the bus on a fairly regular basis. so i’ve decided to make a category just for the bus. eventually i’ll start posting some other stories from before this blog was started. some highlights (so i can refer back to it and make the posts):
- crazy white guy with a barbie doll in his back pocket running back and forth across colfax (and almost getting hit) screaming nonsensical things about missing his bus. he also attacked the sidewalk with a plastic baseball bat.
- trying not to stereotype but the group of black people hanging out at the bus stop with headphones rapping about something…and each with his own bucket of fried chicken.
- texting people about the how funny it was to watch the butch lesbian try to hit on some college chick only to have her end up sitting next to me later on, and subsequently, my panic texts to the same people i was texting earlier.
- crazy old disabled white guy in the front of the bus babbling to anyone that will listen, and going to far and calling some guy a nigger. that was intense.
- crazy drunk old native lady going off on some dude because he called her a drunk. (she reeked of alcohol and was stumbling everywhere) insults included faggot and mccain voter.
- some old lady who i thought was just drunk falling off of the bus seat in the front and laying on the floor of the bus for a while. she may have been really drunk or really high or both.
i cant really remember any more off the top of my head. i’m sure they will come to me later. i usually end up texting someone at least once a week about the escapades of the fifteen.
in the last year and a half that i’ve been riding the infamous colfax bus to and from school/work, i’ve noticed that bus drivers have a strange bond. they usually wave to each other when passing bye, which i think a lot of people do in general, and once my bus driver stopped in the middle of the street to throw a bag of mcdonald’s THROUGH THE WINDOW to a bus driver who happened to be driving his bus in the opposite direction. the other guy seemed very pleased and they smiled and waved at each other. crazy, right?
well, with as many bus drivers out there, there has to be a certain amount of dissension among them. i don’t see this very often but once, i was on a bus that just happened to be running late, and the bus that was supposed to come 15 minutes later starts pulling ahead of my bus. well, my bus driver lady got really upset and sped up until she was window to window with this other bus driver and started SCREAMING at him. 
mostly about how it was guys like him that slowed her down because he wasn’t hitting the stops when he was supposed to and leaving people waiting for the next bus driver. yeah…it was intense.
well, today, i got something a little different. today i was on the bus that was early. about a mile and a half down there was a bus that was running late. we caught up in no time at all since the bus ahead of mine was picking up everyone and their mom. i didn’t really think anything of it until the buses hit downtown. my bus driver pulled up and ahead of the late bus driver…who then, at the next red light, proceeded to drive in the turn lanes in an effort to pull ahead of my bus. my bus driver kept up the pace and occasionally looked through the window trying to give the evil eye to the late bus driver but she refused return the look…even though the buses were right next to each other. about 6 or 7 blocks before the final turn on larimer towards auraria, both bus drivers just stomped on the gas and started barreling down 15th street. they were cutting lanes, running red lights and didn’t pick up any new passengers!
well, my bus driver lost the race and pulled into the roundabout after the late bus driver. i don’t know if he was butt hurt or what, but he didn’t sit and idle in the roundabout like the buses usually do and instead changed the bus heading (route number and final destination) to interline and drove off.
fucking fifteen.
some old white derelict got on the bus today with his fifteen bags of rubbish. i would peg him at about 50 years of age. once we hit downtown he started shimmying in his seat. next thing i know he was trying to pop and lock. i’m totally serious. he kept looking at all the ladies in the middle of his dancing to give the head nod and smile.
when he got to his stop he picked up all his bags and began to do the male equivalent of the rapid shoulder/boob shake. then, as he was getting off the bus he started wiggling his ass and kept looking back at the bus driver and making strange and erratic eyebrow movements.
one day i’m going to look back and be thankful for having to ride the bus to and from school every fucking day.
per usual, i was on the bus this morning on my way to school. i thought i would leave my apartment much earlier and catch breakfast at sam’s no. 3…but it didn’t happen. i am, however, pretty happy i didn’t.
at one of the bus stops, i saw an elderly black man in a blue suede suit. hair all done up and combed, snazzy sunglasses and the folded hankies in the front pocket. the whole god damn nine yards. after a little while, i realize the elderly black man is actually an elderly black woman, done up the whole god damn nine yards.
i wish i could have gotten a picture cause it was just that fantastic. seriously.